Experimentality
by LastStandofAchilles
Summary: Asuka is attacked by the 15th Angel, but is it really an unknown enemy or someone much closer?
1. Prologue

"What good is your goddamn science if it can't save one little life!" Misato Katsuragi said, clutching the blue and silver plugsuit. Nearly a month of work had led up to this moment. "Give him back!"

One month ago, the most serious event in NERV's history had occurred. The 14th Angel, Zeruel, had breached the GeoFront, the giant underground cavern that housed NERV's headquarters. After disarming Unit-02 and a kamikaze attack by Unit-00, the Angel had barged into the main headquarters of NERV itself, coming only feet from the control bridge, and staring down the command crew. However, they were saved at the last minute by Shinji Ikari, a boy who only days before had quit working for NERV, and only minutes before, had started working there again.

In a fury, he fought the Angel out of headquarters, but as he was about to land the finishing blow, the Evangelion unit's power died. In horror, the crew, which had evacuated to the surface, watched as the Angel picked itself up, and blew a hole in the Evangelion's chest armor. Then, surprisingly, the Evangelion reactivated, and proceeded to devour the Angel.

However, the victory had come at a cost. NERV's only usable Evangelion had broken free of all restraints, devoured an S2 organ, capable of powering the unit in another berserker state, and taken the pilot into itself.

A month later, the rescue operation for Shinji was underway, but the effort failed. It didn't seem like Shinji would be coming back. And so, that is why Misato was on the catwalk, clutching the blue and silver plugsuit.. Her young charge, the boy she had gotten to know so well over the last 10 months, was gone, taken from her life as suddenly as he was thrust into it. She looked up from the plugsuit she was crying into and glared up at the giant purple monstrosity. She closed her eyes, recalling all the memories of the boy, but opened them again after hearing a sound that was hard to describe, and even harder to explain. There, on the cold steel catwalk, lay a naked, unconscious Shinji Ikari.

"Shinji!" Misato dropped the plugsuit and ran over to the boy. "Ritsuko! Get the Section 3 medical squad over here! Shinji's back!"

Ritsuko ran over to the platform overlooking the catwalk. She turned around and started barking orders. "Get Section 3 down here immediately! Maya, look over the data in the last thirty seconds, let's try to figure out what just happened. Shigeru, Hygua, help Maya out. I'm going down to the cage."

The entire area was a hotbed of activity. Sirens were going off, loudspeakers were roaring out orders to personnel. Ritsuko arrived on the catwalk. "Misato, how is he?"

"I don't know. He has a pulse, but he's not responding."

"Splash some LCL on his face, see if that wakes him up." Misato splashed him in the face. "No response…hmm…he may be in a coma. Don't worry Misato. We'll figure this out when we get him into the emergency room."

A stetcher with a blanket ran out onto the catwalk. The two attendants lifted the boy onto the stretcher, then wrapped him in a towel. Ritsuko talked with a third attendant that had come along, then ran off with the group as they scrambled back towards the emergency medical section.

-

Misato walked into the room. Ritsuko stood on the other side of the bed, where Shinji lay, hooked up to a staggering number of tubes and wires.

"He's in a moderately deep coma. The psychograph is registering some response to stimuli, but it doesn't look good. Although, I wouldn't be surprised if he can understand what we're saying here at the moment." Ritsuko explained

"What are you saying? He can understand, but he won't wake up?" Misato walked over to Shinji and started shaking him. "Come on, don't you want to come back?"

"I'm afraid its not that easy. The mind, it's a complicated instrument. There could be a variety of things that are keeping him from awakening. Considering the recent stress, his psychology could be in complete disarray. Or we could be talking something more clinical, where some parts of his brain have shut themselves off. He may not be able to awaken even if he wants to."

"So Shinji won't be coming back?"

"I wouldn't say that. In all its complexity, the brain is still a miraculous object. He may be able to fix it himself. I've also been talking to the commander about this, we may have to resort to psychoactive drugs in order to get him functioning again."

"That seems to be against the commander's personal attitude about his son. Do you think he may be changing as well?"

"I doubt it. From a personal standpoint, he still does not think highly of his son. However, from a practical standpoint, he has no other choice. Remember, Units 00 and 02 were pretty much totaled."

"Yes, but aren't the repairs supposed to be completed next month?"

"Yes, but what if an angel were to attack tomorrow, we would have no pilot. It is a very precarious situation."

"But couldn't he use Rei in Unit-01 if need be?"

"Perhaps, but remember, the Eva wouldn't accept Rei into the cockpit during the 14ths attack. We would be stuck relying on something that wouldn't necessarily work. Besides, the Commander feels it would be a bad idea to use Rei in Unit-01, not after the Eva took the S2 organ into itself."

"Why not?"

Ritsuko stumbled, realizing she had said a bit more than she wanted to. "I'm not exactly sure myself." She lied. "However, you must remember that Rei is more of a daughter to him, perhaps he regards it as too dangerous."

Misato let it slip, but realized Ritsuko was lying to her again. Ritsuko's phone rang, and she picked it up. "Ritsuko here, what do you want?" There was a pause, then a "Yes, yes" She finished the call, then folded up her cell phone. "Sorry, business calls. I'll see you later, perhaps we could go bar hopping tonight."

"Yeah, I guess." Ritsuko started walking out the door. "Ritsuko?"

"Yes?"

"What do the Magi say the odds of Shinji waking up on his own are?"

"About three percent. Don't worry. We're working on it. We may be able to get the odds up to 5 percent by tomorrow, though!"

Misato frowned, then turned back to face Shinji. She walked to the corner, then grabbed a chair, and dragged it up beside the bed. It was going to be a long night.


	2. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own anything related to Evangelion...well, maybe the box set, and a few other things, but for the most part, I really don't own the rights to Eva. Please don't try to sue me, I'd hate to become a pantless writer. Thanks!

* * *

Shinji Ikari blinked. "Another unfamil….wait. The ceiling looks like the one in my room!" He rolled himself off of the futon that he was on, and stood up. "This looks like the apartment…but its missing something. It…doesn't feel like home." He walked into the kitchen area. "Misato…Pen-Pen…Asuka? Anybody?" There was no answer, the apartment was silent. "Guys, this isn't funny! Hello? Hello?" The apartment was starting to fade in color.

_What is going on here? This has certainly been a strange day…what with them wanting to 'become one' with me…now this. I don't know what scares me more._

He walked to the apartment door. Surely Kaji or Ritsuko could explain what was going on. He pushed the button that opened the door, but instead of being welcomed by the cool evening air, he saw before him a reddened rail car, with only two passengers, Asuka, who sat slumped forward where she sat, and Misato, directly across from her, a stern look on her face, but a hint of sadness in her eyes.

Shinji, meanwhile blinked. What was unfolding before him was so far out of his daily routine that it failed to shock him. Instead, he stood quietly, getting ready to interrupt the argument that was surely going on.

"Misato, what is going on here?" There was no answer, not even a hint that she had noticed anything Shinji had said. "Misato?" She still did not answer. He walked over, and reached out to shake her shoulder. "Misato?" To his surprise, his hands passed directly through Misato's shoulder.

_What the hell?__Maybe Asuka can see me…_

"Asuka…something's wrong here…can you see me?" Again, there was no hint that she noticed him. "Asuka…Asuka? This isn't funny!" He reached out towards her, but again, there was no response, and his hands passed through her.

_Am I dead? Did the Angel kill me? Is this all a judgment or something?_

"No, no, and yes." Came the reply, which seemed to echo from all directions.

"What? Show yourself! What are you? What are you doing?"

"Unfortunately, I cannot show myself, as my physical form was robbed from me. By the purest chance of luck, I have found myself embedded inside of your conscious, against my will, and surely against yours."

"What are you talking about? What are you?" Shinji asked, panic starting to get the better of him.

"I am known by many names, but you will probably know me as the 14th Angel. My name is Zeruel, at your service."

"At my service? Last I saw of you, you tried to kill me!"

"However, the circumstances have changed. You have defeated me in battle, oh brave warrior. And at the moment, there is a slim possibility that you will live, even with my experience and help."

"What the hell are you talking about? Is this related to the judgement?"

"Yes, although it is not a judgement handed down from above, it is one that will have to be made by you. All that you see around you is your reality, a reality that you have chosen for yourself."

"But I don't want this reality! I'm afraid of it!"

"Yes, however, changing this reality is as simple as changing your mind."

"How is that possible?"

"Because, as a nightmare is reality to the person that experiences it, so is this reality that you are currently experiencing."

"So…this reality is just a dream, it is as simple as waking up?"

"Unfortunately for you, no. You are not simply sleeping, you are in Room 303 of the NERV Cranial Division, locked in a deep coma with a three percent chance of waking. This rail car that you currently stand in, it is only a representation of what you perceived to be going on in the room at the time. Both people currently in this car are indeed in the room at the moment, and have just had an argument about what is happening. You perceived the argument even in your state of deep withdrawal from the world, and constructed this reality from what you perceived."

"What?"

"Simply put, even in the depths of your coma, you understood there was an argument going on around you. When you returned to a state of self-consciousness, you constructed this reality to help you interpret what was going on around you."

"I think I understand. Now for another question, how did you get inside of my mind?"

"This happened through no will of my own. I would prefer that my journey ended when you killed me."

"But if I killed you, what are you doing here?"

"The self, it is composed of two selves, the one which is observed, and the one which observes."

Shinji cut in. "I know that! That's what the 12th said to me. Why is it so important?"

"Because it relates directly to your existence and my existence now. Let me explain. As you know, the self is split into two parts. As soon as you met me, against my will, a new self of me was created, because I was observed by you. Somehow, when you killed me, the self of me that you observed became the self of me that observes."

"What the hell are you talking about?!?"

"Simply, when you killed me, my soul became part of yours. This vessel has two selves now, and when in this form, can only function with one. Because I became a part of you, this body, this brain cannot decide which one of us makes up its self."

"So, because there are two mes, me and you, my brain can't decide which of us is the true me, and has shut down?"

Shinji felt what could've been a smile, if not for the fact that Zeruel was not in a form that could smile. "Yes. That is pretty much the basis of what is going on."

"So, if I were to be able to wake up again, then one of us would have to cease to exist?"

"Correct, although there is a possibility that one of us takes the other into themselves, melding two selves into one. My memories would become your memories, and vice versa. None of us would remember that the other existed, save for the memories that we had of the other."

"So, we would each remember the other's past lives as if the memories were our own, as if we had lived the other's life?"

"Yes, in a roundabout way. However, even though there would be two sets of memories, there would only be one self inside this vessel. The self that you currently know as your self, and the self that I currently know as my self, would cease to exist. There would be one self, born from the ashes of our selves."

"I don't understand, what does that mean?"

"You would cease to recognize yourself as Shinji Ikari, and I would cease to recognize myself as Zeruel. There would be a new being created, bound only by the memories of the two former selves. It would be…similar….to a reincarnation. We would probably not remember our past lives, although the memories are still there, buried deep. I can not even guarantee that your physical form would stay the same."

"But if my self were to die, what kind of life is that? I would exist, yet not exist at all!"

"That is something that you must decide for yourself. The mind, it is a very funny thing. If you exist, but don't recognize the fact that you are existing, does that mean that you really exist?"

"What?"

"Consider the bacteria. It exists, right?"

"Yes."

"However, it has no means to recognize the fact that it exists, correct? The bacteria does not possess a mind, so it has no way to prove that it exists."

"I guess so…"

"So, it lives, but has no way to prove that it exists, does it exist?"

"It's a 50/50 chance. Yes or no."

"Correct, many a creature has vanished in a puff of logic as such."

"How?"

"As you said, it is a 50/50 chance. What if the answer is no?"

"But its right there! How can the answer be no?"

"But you said it yourself, there is a 50/50 chance that it exists. If the answer is no, a paradox opens. However…nevermind, this is not really relevant to the situation at hand. It is more important that we fix the problem at hand. Either one of us must leave, under the pain of non-existence, or we must find a way to co-exist, as one mind and soul."

"But I thought that you had wished for your journey to end when I killed you?"

"Perhaps, but the survival instinct is hard-wired into the self. I may wish to die, but my self doesn't."

"But aren't they one and the same?"

"Yes and no. The self exists as one, but within that self, live a variety of other selves."

"So, within me, there are many different selves, so even if I wish to die, the other selves within me don't?"

"Yes."

"But then how is this self the dominant self?"

"Because it is your self. The other selves that make up the self, are your perceptions of those around you. The better you know a person, then the bigger share that self comes to hold in your entire self."

"So, my self, its not entirely me. Its also the people that around me?"

"In a manner of speaking, yes. However, it not the other people that make up those selves, it is your perception of them."

"So, even though I want to die, the other selves within me don't want to, because I perceive the people that make them up as wanting me to live?"

"You understand."

"So, there are parts of my identity that I have no control of whatsoever?"

"No, you are able to control your identity, and bend it to you whenever you please."

"But if a major part of my self is made up of my perceptions of others, then how can I control it?"

"You may control what you perceive of other people, by selectively blocking information, or ignoring the other selves completely. How else do you think some suicidal people go through with their acts? Some of them do have others that love them, but they block out those selves, or allow them to become distorted perceptions."

"Then how come you won't allow yourself to die, even though you have the means to cease existing now?"

"Because some of those selves…no longer have a self that observe, all that remain are my perceptions of them. If I were to die now, then I would be doing a dishonor to those people."

"But you're an Angel! How could you know other people?"

"The Angels aren't the aliens you think them as. They come from Earth, they are alternate forms that humans could have taken. Some of them, yes, they were born that way. However, there are others…some of the humans you know, they have discovered that they aren't bound by the forms they were born in."

"So you're saying…that people can turn themselves into Angels?"

"No, they are not able to turn their bodies into Angels. What I should have said is that their self, it is not bound to the form of a human. They are able to split their self into many selves. However, as you are learning, two observing selves are not able to be contained in the same vessel. Some of those humans that have learned they can split their self, have not always been able to form a new vessel for the new self. You have known of these people all your life, people inadvertently split their self, and have not realized the way to create a new vessel. They slip into a coma, and do not come out of it until they realize one of three options. They must either form the new vessel, reform one self, or die. There is no other alternative."

"And that's what is going on in this situation. One of us either has to create a new vessel, merge with the other, or die."

"Yes. Now that you understand the basis of what is going on around here, I will meditate, and get into contact with the Creator. It will may be able to tell me how we proceed. Please, feel free to observe the world around us. There may be clues that are given as to what we do from here. Perhaps…perhaps you will learn something of others' perceptions of you."

"But how? No one would visit me in the hospital! Misato only visited because of her job! Asuka was probably dragged in by Misato to make fun of! I'm not worthy of their respect."

"Perhaps…but maybe you should use the time to take a look at your identity, your self. You aren't as weak, you aren't as unworthy of love and respect as you think. Now, I must meditate, please, do not disturb me, if you do, we may lose our only way out of this situation."

Shinji looked at the floor of the railroad car, but saw it slowly dissolving into a fog. But almost as suddenly as the fog appeared, it began to disappear, fading into the hospital room that Shinji had come to know so well. And as the room appeared, Shinji felt his free form becoming bound. As much as he tried to move, he could not. Zeruel's presence grew again.

"I'm sorry Shinji, I must continue to use part of your brain to continue existing, and as a result, you are not able to completely take the body back. I hope this is not inconvenient."

"No, not at all. You have as much right to exist as I do."

Zeruel gave off another sensation of a grin. "Shinji Ikari…thank you."

* * *

Wow, I almost confused myself writing this. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this story, even though it is a bit unconventional. The goal here is to try to recreate Instrumentality, albeit in a different circumstance. I have the beginnings of a long term plan for this story laid out, and I hope that I can bring this project to completion. For you loyal fans of 'Take A Friend', don't worry, I plan on working on that on the side, just suffering a bit of writer's block on that story. Ironically, this was started to relieve some of that block, and it goes and becomes my main story. Anyway, enough of my rambling...see you in the next chapter. 

There will be more confusing stuff too! (And maybe a little fanservice...)


	3. Chapter 2

Shinji Ikari began to reemerge from the depths of subconsciousness. A second consciousness greeted him.

"Shinji. I have had the way out revealed to me. But I must warn you, it is a very complicated process, and there is by no means a guarantee of success."

"So soon after I wake up?" Shinji complained. "Okay, I guess I'm ready. What is it?"

"It is a ceremony called _The Purification and Uniting of Souls_. It is a very difficult concept to grasp, and it is even harder to be self-induced. However, since we are just two consciousnesses, this should not be as difficult as if, say we were two bodies." Zeruel said.

"What is it?"

"In the simplest possible terms, and not completely accurate, we break down the barrier between our selves, and allow those to reform as one. That would be the best possible outcome."

"Best possible?" Shinji gulped. He did not like where this was going. "So, if getting out of this alive is the best possible outcome, what else can happen?"

"Oh a great deal of things…for one, it could fail. I've learned that there are many possible bad outcomes to this ceremony. We may end up dealing with many more selves, or, we may not be able to reform into a self. This vessel would fall into a vegetative state, even further than what it already is."

"This sounds risky…I almost don't want to do this." Shinji said.

Zeruel gave Shinji a sensation of great worry. "So am I, however, this was probably the best option available."

Shinji grew pale. "What do you mean 'best option available'?"

Zeruel gave Shinji another sensation, this time of fear. "You do not want to see some of the things I saw when this was revealed to me. I hope you had a peaceable rest, Shinji, this will probably feel like a trip through hell."

"Wait! We're going to start this now?!?" Shinji said, immediately losing all traces of the drowsiness that had gripped his brain.

"No time like the present, Shinji, and when the fate of the world rests on the combined actions of you and my brothers and sisters, this is doubly so. I am greatly worried, as I sense the approach of another Angel." Zeruel said.

"Wait, there's an Angel coming into Tokyo-3, I should at least hear sirens!" Shinji yelled.

"You misunderstood me. There are still Angels coming out of the woodworks. The prophesies say so themselves. The prophesies say there are to be three more messengers to test the will of the Chosen One, after which the Third Judgement will begin. I have read the scrolls myself, and they give a general timetable through veiled clues as to when the Angels will appear individually. I am sensing that the timetables are pointing to the next Angel attack very shortly. We must hurry, and become one fighting spirit, so that we may take our place and fight the Angel as it has been prophesied."

"Okay. So, what do we need to do?"

"You must relax, and let your body go. Begin to concentrate on an experience we both went through together, and my idea would to be to go into our battle. Once we find a way into each other's selves, then the rest will come."

"Fine, let's do this!" Shinji steeled himself for the onslaught that was about to begin.

-

Ritsuko walked into the room, with an attendant who carried a small black box. A biohazard sign distinguished the box as something out of the ordinary. Misato, still standing guard over Shinji, immediately noticed.

"What the hell is that? What the hell are you going to do here?"

Ritsuko brushed the questions aside. She motioned for the nurse to prep the needle. Meanwhile, she began preparing Shinji's arm in the inner elbow. She nodded, and the assistant handed her the needle. Before either of them knew it, a loaded gun was placed at Ritsuko's temple.

"You're hiding something from me again. Now, it is my responsibility to care for Shinji, and I demand to know what the hell you're about to inject."

Ritsuko frowned. "I really thought you were above such actions, Misato. If you really must know, under orders from the commander, we are going to inject a psychoactive drug, more powerful than LSD, into his bloodstream. The Magi system predict a 20 chance of success."

Misato frowned. Orders from the top were never good. "He's been out for two days, and you're already resorting to extreme measures. What kind of people are you?!?"

"Sorry, orders from the top demand that we have him out of his coma in less than three days, or we could all lose our jobs here." There was a hidden meaning in there, Misato could tell by the subtle inflection in her voice. It was obviously something the nurse wasn't going to be cleared to hear. Instead, Misato decided to confirm it. "Michael's coming back?"

Ritsuko was puzzled for a moment by the seemingly random sentence, but quickly got the hidden meaning. "Yes. Now, put the gun down, and let me do my job." Misato dropped her arm, and put the pistol back into her holster.

-

_Concentrate on a common experience…concentrate on a common experience…the battle…the battle…the battle…_

Shinji felt the details of the battle come back to him. He remembered the adrenaline rushing through his veins, the raw power he felt coming from deep within. He remembered the first hit he landed on the Angel, but he felt something else. It was a pain, as if someone had smashed a brick into his head. He surmised that he was feeling the pain Zeruel felt during the fight.

He began to wrestle with the Angel, fighting it into the catapult room. He remembered the raw power he felt, he remembered the arm he felt he lost. But deep down, he began to feel another emotion. Fear. It was the fear that he might lose. It was the fear that he may lose his humanity in the fight.

More and more, Shinji began to feel Zeruel's side. Agonizing pain as his face was ground against the wall as the catapult rocketed upwards. Tendons ripping in his neck as the Eva attempted to pull his head off. And then relief and anger as the Eva collapsed. Those emotions mixed with Shinji's emotions of denial and fear as he struggled at the controls, desperately trying to get the Eva running again.

Zeruel managed to squeak out a thought, deeply set, and not directed at Shinji. _I think its working_…

Shinji began to feel himself melt away, but he was unsure. This is what he felt like as his sync ratio became ever higher. And then he realized it. Zeruel and him were attempting to get their sync ratios higher, just as what had happened during the battle. Shinji jammed forward, flooding his consciousness over Zeruel. He began to see of Zeruel's human life, his family, his job, his coworkers.

Zeruel felt his consciousness coming to an end, as Shinji's spilled over. He realized that Shinji's consciousness was much higher than his own, and that they would not be one soul, both with equal shares. Shinji would be the dominant personality, himself, relegated to a much smaller share. _Brave warrior Shinji Ikari, you will remain, myself, I will not exist for much longer. Before I leave you, I must give you a word of warning. What has happened has happened, there is nothing that can change that. Do not dwell on the past, or you will find it will consume you. And never be afraid to be your true self, there is no sense in hiding. If you are true to yourself, then will find you cannot lie to others. There are people around you that need you, even if you don't think it yourself. Goodbye, Shi-_

A massive shock spasmed through Shinji's conscious, almost retreating. Zeruel felt himself shock, then almost fade from existence. And still the memories played over, looping over and over. Shinji felt his anger swell, and insatiable urge to kill the Angel. But as suddenly as it came, the feeling left. Shinji searched around in his conscious for Zeruel, but he was gone. In his last moment of true consciousness, Shinji realized he was alone, and that his neural connections were beginning to come back. He no longer could move on his own will, but seizures were beginning to wrack his body.

-

"Dammit, dammit, dammit! Something's wrong here." Ritsuko said. Shinji had gone into violent spasms, ripping the psychographic sensors off his head. "Misato, hold him down! I've got to get these IVs out before he gets damage." Misato, standing in shock beside the bed, immediately reacted, throwing herself onto Shinji to keep him restrained. Ritsuko worked quickly, removing the IVs from his arms, and disconnecting any wires that could wrap around Shinji and hurt him. "Okay, everything's off. Nurse, quick, give me the other needle." The nurse quickly primed the needle and handed it to Ritsuko.

"Misato, hold his arm still, this should stop the seizures in a couple of minutes."Misato firmly grabbed two places on Shinji's arm, while Ritsuko jammed the needle in and injected the serum. Slowly, Shinji's seizures slowed, then stopped. Ritsuko breathed a sigh of relief. "At least we got past the worst of it. I don't know what caused that, but most likely Shinji had a severe reaction to the drug. We're going to have to take him down for a scan, because most reactions like that generally involve brain swelling as well."

"Wh—wha—what happened?" Said a tiny little voice at the top of the bed.

"Shinji?" Misato turned her head from Ritsuko to Shinji. Staring back at her was a pair of intense blue eyes. "Shinji! You're okay!" Misato wrapped her arms around his neck and gave him one of her renowned hugs, with Shinji's face buried deep within her cleavage.

"Misato? What are you doing here? And why are you on top of me?"

There was an interruption, as the Angel alarms began to sound. Ritsuko grabbed her cell phone and began to make a call to the Commander, but Misato's phone rang first. "Yes, this is Major Katsuragi….false alarm you say…from the hospital…you detected an AT field just now though…interesting….Ritsuko's right here with me, she can give it a look in a little while, we have more pressing issues here…okay….okay…yes…bye." There was a click as Misato hung up her phone.

Three attendants came in, and began to slide the bed out of the room. "Misato, I'll see you later. Shinji, we need to get you ready for an MRI scan." There was a faint whispering from Shinji, but Ritsuko shook her head. "Sorry Shinji, Misato can't come along. Don't give me that look!" The bed was wheeled out, and Misato was left standing alone in the room.

* * *

Well, the first story 'arc' is complete. Its not really an arc, just a two part episode I guess. There's a lot more to this story, and I have it planned up until just after the battle with the 15th. I had this almost ready to release last night, but kinda got worried that it was subpar, and rewrote a large chunk of this last night. Originally, I had the opening of this chapter planned as a conversation between Asuka and Misato about Shinji, but that kinda fell apart on me, since it really didn't seem like it fit into the story and didn't move us anywhere. The next chapter will probably contain parts of that conversation that I can salvage. Anyway, until next time, enjoy! 


	4. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I don't own Evangelion, some famous director named Hideki Anno does. If the opportunity presents itself, I would much like to buy it. I don't see that as likely though, do you?

* * *

Misato and Asuka walked through the park. It was a typical park, with the typical couple on a bench, and typical pigeons eating the grain thrown to them by passersby. There were kids on the playground, and the joggers were out in full force. It was a beautiful day, with a deep blue sky, and no clouds in the sky. Misato found a nice bench in the shade of a large oak tree. She motioned for Asuka to sit down, and sat down herself.

"Asuka, we need to talk." Misato said bluntly.

"About what, everything is perfect!" Asuka said with a nervous laugh.

"No. No it isn't. You and Shinji, I know you've never gotten along well in the first place, but still, it seems to have gotten worse recently." Misato said.

"Why did you drag me down to the park to talk about that baka pervert anyway?" Asuka said. "Its not as if he does anything to bother me."

"That's kinda the point, Asuka. You always hit him, call him an idiot, everything. What has he ever done to you?"

"He's such a stooge! He needs to grow a backbone! Always saying 'I'm sorry' and 'okay Asuka', he never stands up for himself! Its so annoying!" Asuka said, starting to whip herself up into one of her (in)famous rants.

"And so you hit him?"

"Well du-uh, what else is going to get him to stand up for himself?"

"I don't know Asuka, but do you honestly think hitting him is going to get him to stand up for himself. You know Shinji, he's a quiet person by nature, and the last thing he would do is try to anger someone."

"I know that! But its so damn frustrating!" Asuka said, her anger burning out prematurely.

"Asuka, Shinji is a very nice man, and-"

"So he's a man now, huh!" Asuka said, anger rapidly coming back full force. "Just because he can score higher on his sync ratio than me, he's a man now, is that what you think? You're wrong!"

"Asuka, I didn't say anything of the sort. If I were talking about you elsewhere, I'd refer to you as a woman. You and Shinji, you've seen a lot more of the world in 14 years than many people have in 40. And as such, you two have matured faster than a lot of kids your age."

"So I'm a kid now? Shinji the Wonderboy is now a man, and I'm just a mere kid in your eyes?"

"Asuka, you're jumping to conclusions again. I never said that."

Asuka was now at the point of tears. "No, you didn't say that, but I know that's what you think! You always spend time with Shinji, you practically ignore my existence, so does he! Even if I do something to try to get him to notice me! He's such a spineless coward!"

Misato frowned. "Perhaps if you didn't hit him as much Asuka, there's a certain tolerance for some things. I know how you act, Asuka. You may do something to get him to notice you, then hit him if he does. I'm not surprised he ignores you."

Asuka broke down. "Is that why he ignores me, I'm not beautiful enough to withstand minor injures to have? I'm not perfect enough to hold? Is that what he thinks? I hate his guts, he can drop DEAD!" Several parkgoers looked at Asuka, and the small flock of pigeons at their feet scattered.

"Asuka, calm down, you're being unreasonable again. Don't you remember that he jumped into a volcano to save you? A goddamn active volcano, and with no special armor! He screamed bloody murder when he realized what was going on, and he jumped in to rescue you! He did that to save you, and you seem not to regard that as nothing at all." Misato said, her anger starting to show.

"But..he's almost a different person inside his Eva. He's so much better than me in that goddamn Eva, even though I'd made a pledge to be the best pilot ever when I was little! I've practiced at the Eva since I was a little girl, that idiot shows up and pilots the Eva without even seeing it before! How am I supposed to be the best when I have to compare to that!"

"Asuka, you don't have to compare with anybody. As long as you are happy, others will be happy too. As long as you do your best, then that is okay. You don't always have to be number one to be happy and successful. I know it seems like it now, but wait for you to grow up a little more, wait for a life after Eva, for life after I'm gone, and with no Shinji to cook for you. If you keep acting like you are, you will find yourself alone and friendless." Misato said, starting to calm down a little bit. "I know losing your mother hurts, you loved her deeply from what I can tell. I know what its like, even if I didn't like my father. I know you've been burned when it comes to loving someone, to get close to someone, only to have them leave you behind. But Asuka, life goes on, and love manages to find its way back into people's lives."

"But that's what I'm afraid of, I don't want to love someone, and have them rip me off!" Asuka said, tears starting to form in the corner of her eyes. "I don't want to be alone, but I don't want the pain of having someone I love leave me!"

"Asuka, you will never be alone. People come into your life, people leave your life. It's only natural. I see why you're afraid, but time heals all wounds. You just need to let others into your heart, and you will never be alone anymore. Even if a person leaves, you still have memories of the good times with that person, and you have the knowledge that others will eventually fill the hole."

"But I don't want to forget the ones that I loved!" Asuka said, crying now.

Misato gave a little smile. "Asuka, if you truly loved that person, then you can never forget them. Remember that Asuka, and you'll be okay." Misato wrapped her arms around Asuka. "And I love you too, Asuka. Even through the good times and the bad. You're like the daughter I never had."

Asuka started openly crying. The small crowd that had grown around them gave a collective 'aww…' Misato looked up and saw the group gathered around them. "Don't you people have lives?!?" The crowd started mumbling and talking among themselves, and slowly began to disperse.

"Okay, Asuka, let's go get some ice cream or something, and we'll go visit Shinji in the hospital. I'm sure that he'll like that."

* * *

A/N: Well, I've got this chapter finished. And surprisingly, it really didn't use much of the conversation that I used in the last chapter. I hope you find the dialog in this chapter at least bearable to read, this sort of talk really isn't my strong point. Anyway, this kicks off the next story arc, as we get prepared for the events surrounding the 15th's attack. I hope this story is keeping all of you all's attentions, and please feel free to comment on anything you feel I am messing up with, and I'll try to fix it. 


	5. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: Lets go over this again. This is Eva, a multi-million dollar franchise, and I am a writer. If I'm here writing fanfiction, you can guess that I don't have enough money to own Eva.**

* * *

Rei Ayanami stood in her apartment. On the floor lay a pair of shattered glasses, broken glass cups, and used bandages. She looked down in contempt at the two small yellow pills she held in her hand. Her life was hers to live, and nobody else's. She had realized it, and it was in no small part to Shinji. She opened the front door, and looked out over the balcony. Construction sites, piledrivers hammering, open pits greeted her eyes and ears. She took the pills and threw them off into the void. She watched as they fell away, to the ground below, then, when she could see them no longer, she turned and walked back into her apartment.

* * *

Shinji sat in his bed, watching a little TV. None of the TV shows were very interesting, as he found out as he flipped through the channels. Although that isn't to say not interesting, more as that he'd missed most of the last five months of show's, due to Asuka's hogging the TV when she moved in. He was out of the loop in just about everything. He flipped to the news, hoping to catch something that he would know what was going on. 

"_Yesterday, at about 6:36 PM Tokyo Standard Time, a small earthquake rocked the city registering a 4.4 on the Richter Scale. Coincidentally, an Angel alarm was issued for the city roughly two minutes later. A NERV press release later last night stated that the alarm was set off for an abnormal reading that lasted longer than usual, but said there was no proof that there was an Angel appearing anywhere near where the sensors indicated. Adding to the mystery, they reported that the alarm appeared directly at the epicenter of the quake, which was located at the intersection of West 202__nd__ Avenue and Military Route 19. Anyone who saw any strange activity in that area of the city is strongly encouraged to report…"_

Shinji thought about the layout of the GeoFront. If his memory served him correctly, the hospital lay directly beneath the area just described. Those thoughts were interrupted as there was a knock at the door. He turned off the TV, then turned to the door. "Come in!" The door slid open.

"Hi, Shinji, how are you doing?" Misato said, walking in.

"Fine, I should be able to come home tomorrow, the doctors said."

"Good, baka, the place is getting to be a wreck, and Misato's special curry noodles got old after the first time." Asuka said, waltzing into the room.

"Asuka, I'm glad to see you're okay!" Shinji said, happy to see Asuka again.

"Of course I'm okay, idiot, why wouldn't I be?" Asuka said, not knowing what he was talking about.

"I saw your Eva's head land in my bunker in the battle. I'm just happy to see you're okay…" Shinji said, realizing that he was starting to look silly.

Misato leaned over and whispered into Asuka's ear. "Asuka, remember, he hasn't been awake for over a month. At least be nice to him while we're here."

"Ah, okay Shinji. And I'm glad to see you're okay too." Shinji smiled at the thought of Asuka being glad to see him. Then his mood crashed, there had to be something more to it than that.

"Okay Asuka, what are you wanting me to cook…" Shinji said.

"Just because I can be nice to someone doesn't mean that I want something out of them!" Asuka said, her anger rapidly boiling over.

"Oh really? You've never seemed to grace me with your favor!" Shinji said, his face turning red from anger. Misato and Asuka stood, staring at Shinji's outburst. "You've never treated me as a friend, only as a rival or a pet. I really don't expect anything more from you Asuka."

An awkward silence gripped the room. Asuka stood, both shimmering with anger, and with a hurt look on her face. "People can change, Shinji. Out of all that I know, I thought at least you of all people would realize that. But you've changed, Shinji. And I don't know if its for the better! I know I've always told you to grow a backbone, but you weren't supposed to use it against me!" Shielding a tear in her eye, she turned around and charged out of the room.

"Misato, what's Asuka's problem?" Shinji asked.

Misato was turning red with anger. "Shinji, I'm surprised at you! Asuka comes in here, and you immediately accuse her of trying to blackmail something out of you! How can you treat a girl that likes you like that?"

Shinji started laughing. "You actually think she likes me? Hell will freeze over first! I've never seen her do anything nice for anybody! What makes you think she would like me?"

Misato calmed down a bit. "Shinji, I had a talk with Asuka today. She's very confused on her feelings about you, and it doesn't help that her pride stands in her way. She hates you for being a better pilot than her, but deep down, she admires you."

Shinji was quiet. He slumped forward, and Misato turned to look at him. "Shinji, it takes some work to even scratch the surface of understanding the opposite sex, especially a teenaged girl, but…Shinji? Shinji?"

Shinji had slumped even more forward, and began to lean to the side. "Shinji? Crap! Nurse! Nurse!" Misato hit the 'call nurse button' and the entire wing went crazy. Nurses and doctors were pouring into the room, as they had been ordered to tend to Shinji as best as possible. Within minutes, the room had settled down, as they finished hooking Shinji up to the various machines that were within the room. Misato pulled up a chair, and sat down, taking Shinji's hand.

* * *

_Roses and violets in the rain, living happily as could be. Life giving water is falling on their heads. They are happy now, but do not realize that the cold winter sun is coming. They will wither, as the bitter cold comes closer to their hearts every night. The two flowers, intertwined with one another, will lose the company of one another as they shrink back, falling away as they face the lifeless winter ahead of them. They may never see each other again, if the winter can squeeze the life out of the small seed that each contained within; they may see each other sooner, if the spring can defeat the winter, returning life to the lifeless._

Rei Ayanami was thinking to herself, lying face down on the bed, her arms wrapped around a small white pillow.

_Life is an empty feeling, why suffer it any longer than we have to? Why bare those wounds that we inflict on ourselves and others? These others, seeking to understand others when they don't understand themselves. They seek comfort in the arms and thoughts of others. They bury that feeling of emptiness deep within, why? _

_Is it will?_

_Is it necessity?_

_Is it…fear?_

* * *

Shinji's brain was in a fog. One minute, he was talking with Misato, and the next, he was drifting through what seemed like the universe, yet nothing at all. A voice echoed through the emptiness. 

"Shinji Ikari, we meet again."

The voice was a familiar one. Shinji thought for a moment, then answered. "Zeruel?" Shinji's voice echoed in a similar fashion.

"Yes, Shinji, it is me, Zeruel."

"But I thought you were destroyed!" Shinji said.

"No, when we were to merge into one soul and body, we were to know each other completely. However, our ceremony was interrupted before completion, and it has proved to be a costly mistake." Zeruel said.

"What do you mean?" Shinji asked, not liking the direction this was taking. "What do you mean by a 'costly mistake'."

"Our merger was not completed when you were jolted back into reality. It was a weak bond at best, and it is already beginning to rip apart. For one, I am myself again, not a part of another self. However, our bond has become a liability." Zeruel said.

'Well, that explains your appearance…' Shinji thought. The words echoed around him.

Zeruel smiled. "In the depths of your subconscious, there are no secrets. I can hear everything you say, and everything you think, and you can hear my inner thoughts, feel my inner feelings."

Shinji sighed. "Why? If we no longer share a common bond, then how can we still understand each other?"

Zeruel began to explain. "Consider your self as a patchwork quilt. You have emotions making up your self, as well as other themes, such as experience, education, selves of others that you perceive, and so on. However, when we attempted to sew my quilt into your quilt, it was a rather sloppy job. So, as the bond between you and me ripped, it began to rip other parts of your self away as well. As such, your self is beginning to disintegrate."

"So, I will fade away into nothing in a few days?" Shinji asked, beginning to feel a knot in his throat.

"No, it is much worse. As each part of you rips away, it will attempt to assume control. It will suppress other selves, mutilate them, or completely destroy them. To the outside world, you will appear to suffer a mental breakdown, then fall into a world of complete madness. You may turn into a ruthless psychopath, which may or may not be a good thing for the powers that be at NERV, or you may turn into a harmless vegetable, in which none of the selves can establish control over the other, and unable to reunite."

"Is there anything I can do, Zeruel? I'm afraid." Shinji said.

"You will have to conquer each of those emotions, each of those fears, those angers, those sadnesses, and reestablish a central control of your self." Zeruel said. "You will have to conquer them by yourself. I can provide as much support as you need, but ultimately, you will have to conquer each of them by yourself."

Shinji looked down at his feet, crying gently. "I never wanted to do this anyway!"

Zeruel looked down on the boy. "Then why did you?"

"Because I wanted my father's praise! I wanted to feel like I did have a purpose!"

"Shinji Ikari, you have a purpose. You may not know it yourself, and only do what is natural to you. But to others, you do have a purpose. Your guardian and your sisters…they depend on you every day, for you cook for them. Yet you only do what is natural to you, and help others. It may not seem like a purpose to you, but to them, you have a purpose."

"Father…"

"Even your father, no matter how much you hate him, he sees a purpose in you, and you continue to fulfill it. Whether it is out of the good of your heart, or out of pure spite you fulfill it, that is up to you to decide."

"But I thought you could understand my thoughts!" Shinji said. "You could explain to me why I still pilot the Eva."

"I can only understand your thoughts as much as you yourself understand them, just as you can only understand my thoughts as much as me myself can understand. We only know as much as the other knows." Zeruel said.

There was silence. Images seemed to flash through the subconscious space surrounding him. Primal images, things retained in the human psyche longer than humans had existed. Finally, the scene stopped. It was a train car, bathed in the orange of a summer sunset.

"An interesting place to dwell on ones thoughts." Zeruel began to take shape as a human. He was a tall, angular man, a slash scar running just beneath his left eye. Shinji looked at him. Oddly enough, he noticed stretch marks in rings around his neck, as if a great force had tried to pry his head off.

"You—You! I thought you were bonded to a body as an Angel!" Shinji said. "Nothing makes sense!" He began to calm down, his breathing becoming ragged. The bright orange began to fade into a more subtle yellow color. The sun outside seemed to dim slightly, becoming something more of an early autumn day.

"Ah, yes. It seems that my psyche is beginning to recall a sense of its former self." Zeruel said. "The psyche, its an amazing object, something that can recall events 10,000 years ago, yet can't remember what it had for breakfast, something that can survive the hardest times, yet can't survive a break-up. Wouldn't you agree?"

There was silence.

"I see. I'll leave you to your private thoughts for a little while." The being known as Zeruel began to fade.

* * *

A/N: Whew, sorry for the extremely long wait for this chapter. I had been considering several possibilities with this story, including deleting it and starting from scratch with this. Part of this is from some sort of imperfection complex I have or something. I really thought I had screwed this story up, and was going to start over and smooth out the little gaps and everything, but in the end, I just decided to work with what I have here. Another thing was that I felt I lost what the story was originally about, which was try to capture the psychological state of everybody as events changed them. Now, I've given the story some real thought, and I have a few ideas that will be coming down the tube within the coming weeks. Anyway, enough of my rambling, hope to entertain you all more in the next chapter. 


	6. Chapter 5

_**DISCLAIMER: I do not own the characters, the script, or image of Eva. Go talk to somebody else if you're interested in purchasing it.  
**_

Experimentality Chapter 5

* * *

_The psyche, it's a marvelous thing, capable of conveying the events of millennia to a person without them seeing it, yet is something that can't remember what it had for breakfast this morning. It can withstand against a mass murder, yet it can't survive a break-up. Contradiction. This is what makes the psyche so undeniably human. And the psyche is what makes a human undeniably a human._

* * *

The red haired girl lay on her futon, face down, hair covering any facial expressions. Some of her hair was matted against her face by tears, although she would never have let anybody she them. Tears, they were a sign of weakness, and to everybody else, Asuka was a fortress of strength, never giving up when things got bad. 

However, the fortress had a soft spot, and it was directed towards Shinji. She had done all she could to impress him, anything to get him to notice her. But whatever she did, Shinji just didn't get that she was trying to get close to him. And the fact that she was failing continued to boil her temper. That soft spot was turning into a crack, a crack that with a little prodding, could tear the whole fortress down.

"Dammit, Third Child. I hate you."

* * *

Misato sat at the bar. "Anotthhher, pleaze" She slurred. She felt alone in the world. She could tell Asuka was slowly slipping away, depression and despair slowly overwhelming her soul, and now, Shinji was back in a coma. The two kids that had become her surrogate family were drifting away, and she was afraid this time, she might not be able to pull them back.

* * *

Shinji sat in a train car, it was getting dark outside, and a chill seemed to have settled into the cabin. All that could be heard was the sound of the cars rocking as the bounced over bumps in the rail. Every once and a while, the sound of a crossing gate would interrupt the monotonous clicking. 

"Shinji, it is time." Shinji didn't move. Zeruel looked down on Shinji. "Is this the brave warrior they call 'Shinji the Invincible'?"

"I don't want that nickname! I'm spineless, I'm a coward…what good am I? I don't deserve to be called invincible…"

"Then why do you fight?"

"Because I'm told to."

"Because others tell you? Are you afraid of being hated if you say no?"

"No, I know I'm already hated by others. I do it to protect them."

"You fight to protect others that hate you? Why?"

"Because…maybe they will like me afterwards…"

"You have fought fourteen of us, why do you still fight if they still hate you?"

"I don't know."

"Is it because you like them?"

"I don't know."

"Is it because you feel a sense of duty?"

"I don't know."

"Then why?"

"I DON'T KNOW….just shut up! I'll never know."

* * *

Gendo Ikari sat at his desk, which overlooked a huge office with nothing else in it. An eerie yellow glow illuminated the windows of the office, which in turn made the office look almost supernatural. Of course, this was the impression the elder Ikari liked to cultivate, a man in control of all forces, both natural and supernatural. He pressed a button. 

"Welcome, Doctor Akagi. There is a matter of great importance I would like to discuss with you."

"Yes?"

"After the failure of the dummy plug system during the Fourteenth's attack, I have thought of a new system to replace it. Is it at all possible to rewire the system to use that of a current pilot?"

"Yes, I suppose anything is possible with our current technology…but why do you want to wire a human pilot to a system that can only think at the level of programming? The human pilots, however unstable, are still much more capable than a computer system."

"But the Children are not any better than computers when they are unconscious, are they?"

"What are you trying to say, Commander?" Ritsuko said, her voice raising slightly.

"What if a human pilot were rendered unconscious by another Angel attack? The dummy plug system will not work on any Eva unit reliably. Perhaps we could use the body of the pilot to link to the system, then have the computers carry out the orders through the Children."

"I suppose we could develop something like that. It should be a simple matter of rewiring the dummy plug to run off one of the Children, instead of a clone. I think we may have something ready in about a month."

"Very well. Begin development immediately. You have the Third at your disposal." Gendo said. The lights went out in the office, and the elevator began to lower. As she descended, she realized that the Commander had used the word 'disposal'.

"So your son is just another pawn in your games, eh, Gendo? Everybody is."

* * *

_Two weeks later…_

Misato Katsuragi walked into the hospital room. She stood beside the bed and took Shinji's hand in hers. She cried silently, for what seemed like an eternity. She took a long look at Shinji's face, then said with a faint smile on her lips. "Don't die on me, Shinji. I need to know where those flowers are."

* * *

Asuka was sitting on a bench in a park. As much as she wanted to cry, the tears just wouldn't come anymore. Though it was a death of someone she liked a lot, and probably even loved, no more tears would come. She had been just about to leave her room to go to the store, but turned and ducked back in the room when she heard Misato come in and turn on the answering machine. She immediately placed the voice as Kaji's, and wondered how she hadn't heard it recording. Then, as she puzzled over the phone call, she noticed that Misato was crying. All she heard was, "You idiot." Asuka figured out the rest on her own.

* * *

A feeble autumn sun worked its way through cracks in the nearly overcast sky. A small rain storm was moving in. The weak sunlight finally was overwhelmed by the thick clouds, plunging the hospital room of Shinji Ikari into darkness. 

For nearly a month now, he had been in a coma. Some said that he had brain damage from being brought back from the Eva. They pointed to the madness of Kyoko Zeppelin Soryu for proof. Others just said that the pilot had just contracted some form of illness, such things were rife in the city at the time. Shinji himself, however, knew that it was a severe case of multiple personality syndrome, with two strong personalities preventing the brain from making a choice of which was the true personality of Shinji Ikari, effectively paralyzing the system.

The two personalities of Shinji Ikari were really the personalities of Shinji Ikari, and the Angelic being Zeruel.

"You fight, for the sake of others, even though you think they hate you. Shinji, no one you know hates you, and you know that. You use it as an excuse to shut yourself away from the world, to hide away from what you fear. And you allow that fear to multiply, to grow within your soul, to the point where it grows so powerful you cannot face it. You can't talk to anyone, or can't stand to look another in the eye. Why? Why are you afraid of others?"

"Because I have no idea what they think, or what their intentions may be! How do I know if people really love me or just want to use me for their own self-gratification? I don't want to be around anybody if they just use me like that! And how can I understand what anybody wants if I can't even understand what I think sometimes. I can't understand myself! How can I understand another if I can't understand myself?!?" Shinji said, starting to curl up.

"By understanding yourself, you can understand more about others, and by understanding more of others, you will understand more about yourself. As contradictory as that may sound, it is the human condition. Humans of themselves are made of contradictions and paradoxes, and there is no hope of somebody understanding or explaining them. All you can do is sort out your thoughts and goals and to develop a basic understanding of how those close to you will act and react."

"But how? Everybody around me purposely keeps things ambiguous! How am I supposed to know what others mean when they tell me one thing and then do another? How do you think I'm supposed to understand them?" Shinji asked, beginning to get angry. "You all keep me purposely in the dark, you keep your intentions ambiguous so you can hide what you really want with me! I'm not going to take it anymore!"

His train car had suddenly filled with visions of his close friends, whose features began to grow distorted and took on a mocking cast. "Damn you! Damn you all!" Shinji shouted. One face in particular stood out, one of such malevolence that Shinji temporarily shrunk back when he saw it. The rest of the car began to fade out, and the figure of Asuka towered over Shinji.

* * *

Outside the hospital room, a small earthquake rattled the city. At NERV headquarters, warning alarms began to go off, as many of the personnel began to take cover under their desks. The earthquake was getting stronger, and some computers were began bouncing lightly on their desks. 

Shigeru looked up at Maya. "I thought the GeoFront protected this area from earthquakes!" Maya just shrugged, but was equally puzzled by the earthquake. Suddenly the Magi sounded the Angel alert. "Damn it, of all the lousy times...blue pattern confirmed! Wait! It's gone! What the hell?!?" Makoto shouted over the din of the earthquake and people rushing around the room. Then as suddenly as the earthquake started, it stopped.

Commander Ikari strode in the room, followed closely by Subcommander Fuyutski, both somewhat rattled, but maintaining a calm appearance. Things began to settle down as they entered, and immediately, he began giving orders. "Lieutenant Ibuki, begin analyzing the blue pattern. I want a location of where it was reported in five minutes. Lieutenant Hyuga, put the headquarters on 24 hour standby for an Angel attack. Lieutanant Aoba, I want you to get the recovery operations vehicles to the general area of the pattern report now."

The bridge bunnies followed their orders as a second powerful earthquake rocked the GeoFront. The Angel alarms began to sound again. "Another blue pattern established! Its in the same place as the first!" Maya yelled. A massive jolt shook the building, knocking everybody out of their seats. Maya stood back up. "Blue pattern established in the hospital block! My god its close!"

Shigeru turned around and looked up at Gendo. "Sir, the two pilots are awaiting launch." At the same time, Misato burst into the room beside Ritsuko. "Alright then, launch the Evas!" The two Evas burst out of the ground in the GeoFront.

"Alright, if the Angel is where the Magi say it is, you should be able to make visual confirmation any second now." Maya said.

Asuka grunted. Rei radioed back. "There is no Angel here, Lieutenant Ibuki."

"That's impossible! The Magi say it should be nearby!" Maya said, starting to worry. "Look up near the hospital block. The Magi say it should be there."

The blood drained from Misato's face. "Did you say the hospital block? Isn't that were the headquarters hospital is too?" She asked frantically.

Maya looked at Misato strangely. _Well, I guess she isn't lying when she says she's not good with directions._ "Yes, Major? What about it?"

Misato looked at Ritsuko. The same thought was running through both of their minds. "Hyuga! Dispatch a Section Two squad to retrieve the Third!" Another strong earthquake rocked the GeoFront. Shigeru looked back at Misato. "Pattern location rising rapidly!" He turned back around, and kept a running tally of the objects location. "Its at the surface! One kilometer up. Three kilometers up! At this rate, it will be out of range of the long range weaponry in 10 seconds! Eight kilometers up!"

"Fire all long range weaponry at the center of the blue pattern, NOW!" Misato ordered.

"Batteries A through D have fired, no effect. Reload time 3 seconds. Fire again? Range 14 kilometers." Shigeru said, calming down. "Target should reach maximum operational range in 20 seconds."

"Fire the artillery again. We have to slow it down and give the Eva a chance to get a shot in at it!"

"Batteries A through D have fired, shells missed target, and were automatically detonated. The target is at 25 kilometers, still rising. 10 seconds until operational borderline is crossed." Shigeru reported.

"Asuka, Rei! Have you reached the surface yet?" Misato asked. "Asuka, you have the positron rifle, try to get a shot off!"

"I can't! The clouds are in the way, I can't see it!" Asuka reported back. The dark storm clouds had thickened, and the first drops of rain were beginning to fall.

Shigeru called out "Angel is now at 36 kilometers, about to cross the operational borderline!"

"SHOOT, ASUKA!" Misato cried.

Unit-02 swung the sight up in the general direction of the Angel and fired. The ground underneath the Eva cracked as the force from the rifle was directed down. A bright beam of blue light shot up through the clouds. A satellite recording the incident watched on. The tension inside headquarters rose. The beam arced through space on a mad dash towards the Angel. Suddenly, the beam split as it encountered an A.T field. Then, a large blue object appeared behind the A.T field.

"We failed. Its still alive. I guess we're in this for the long haul." Misato said.

Hyuga looked back from his monitor, panicked. "Section Two is reporting that the Third Child isn't in his room!"

"What? You get their sorry asses out and looking for Shinji NOW! He's too great an asset to allow to wander off." Misato yelled. She sat down in a free chair and sighed. "This day just keeps getting worse and worse."

Ritsuko sat down beside her, and tried to calm her down. "Hey, at least Shinji's awake, right?"

* * *

Maya read the readout from the Magi. "Beam lost 25 of its energy by the time it arrived at the target, 50 of energy diverted out into space, 10 turned to heat, 15 absorbed by target. Blood pattern still active." There was a slight sigh of disappointment. 

Shigeru looked down at the monitor. "Target has stopped at a height of 60 kilometers. It is now in a holding position about 250 kilometers northeast of Tokyo-3. Position's been the same for the last hour."

Meanwhile, up on the surface, the rain was coming down harder than ever. Asuka kept the targeting system square on the faint dot that represented the Angel. Asuka kept herself busy by looking at different ground station images of the Angel, although they didn't show much. Suddenly, there was a bright flash from the Angel. "The hell?" She fired off a shot, as the clouds began to open.

* * *

"You idiot. You think you can even compare to me? You think that you're worthy of my time? Think again. You're so hopeless. I can hit you all I want, and you won't raise a finger to stop me. Why would I waste my time with you, the lowest of the low?" 

A fiery look glowed in Shinji's eye. "Damn you Asuka! You're no better than me! You cry for your mother in your sleep! You can't stand it when people ignore you! You complain about how others act while you don't give a damn about how you do! You….ARGH!" He reached up and wrapped his hands around Asuka's neck. "Damn you to Hell! You deserve no better!"

**End Chapter 5 of Experimentality.**

* * *

Wow, never in my wildest dreams did I expect this chapter to take so long to write, but in retrospect, I probably should have. Ah, summer, the season of laziness. Sorry to all of you who read and like this story, I'll try to do better with it in the future. I'd like to give a special thanks to all of you who took the time to read and review. I hope you all are enjoying the story so far, and I hope that you'll keep reading it. As an author, nothing's more encouraging than to see people take an interest in your work, and certainly, I'm overjoyed with the response this story has gotten. Well, I guess that's enough self-indulgence for a while, and I hope to see all of you who have read this story in the next chapter. See you there!

* * *


	7. Chapter 6

_I don't own Evangelion, however cool it would be. _

_**Experimentality Chapter 6**  
_

* * *

The tiny little dot that was the Angel was just barely visible in the targeting system of the positron rifle. The Angel, this time a giant winged creature, had lifted from the air just above Tokyo-3 and ascended into the heavens, where it currently lay in wait. Asuka fidgeted with the rifle. She had been waiting here for almost an hour, keeping the Angel in sight while Magi supercomputers in the headquarters below the city ran diagnostic tests on it. 

"Dammit! This is so boring!" Asuka said. "Why are we waiting here?"

"Because we're down a pilot." Misato answered. "Remember the last time there was an Angel in orbit? If this one tries to pull the same stunt, we have to be ready to catch it." Misato turned from the communications screen down to Lieutenant Ibuki. "Lieutenant, when will those tests be done?"

"I don't know, Major. The Angel caught us at a bad time, we were working on the mainframe of the Magi, so different parts and programs aren't working at full operational power right now. Sempai's down there trying to get updates completed." Maya replied.

"Can you give me a rough idea of when the tests will be finished?" Misato asked again. She wasn't going to get lost in the technobabble of a subordinate, not today.

"Er…at the current computational speed, about three hours. But I think Ritsuko will be finishing any moment now, so it may be about fifteen more minutes. I'm not entirely sure."

Misato sighed. There wasn't much more she was going to get out of the lieutenant. She was about to back to her office when Lieutenant Hyuga spoke up.

"Ma'am, energy readings have changed slightly on the target. The Magi aren't able to tell me if they rose or fell, but they have changed by about 10."

Misato opened up communications with Unit-02 again. "Asuka, we've got a change in energy readings. You see anything different?"

"No, the stupid gray dot is the stupid gray dot it was a half-hour ago, and a half-hour before that, and a ha-"

"Cut it out Asuka. Its about your break time, Rei will take over in about ten minutes. Just hang in there for a few more minutes." Misato said. _Meh, I guess the proverb about no rest for the weary was just a myth._

Makoto spoke up again. "Energy readings are still changing. The pattern the Magi are showing me makes me think it's a rising amount of energy in the target."

"Okay. Asuka, you hear that? The Angel looks like it may be about to do something, so be careful out there." _I don't think I could keep going if I lost another one._

"Yeah, yeah, this'll be a piece of cake." Asuka said. Misato couldn't help a smile. _At least she's gotten a bit of her edge back. Maybe she was just sick or something. _A nagging voice kept going in the back of her head. _Yeah, sick in the head. Everybody here is like that somehow, but these kids, I'm not sure how they keep operating like they do. Its almost a superhuman action._

"Major! Energy fluctuations becoming critical!" Makoto said as Misato's eyes grew large.

"Asuka! Get out of there!" A slight beam of light cracked the clouds open, then, the crack grew and light flooded in. At first nothing happened, there was no melting of armor, or no large explosions as a piece of the Angel rammed the ground. It was nothing more ominous than the sun coming through a hole in the clouds. Suddenly though, the communications link between Central Dogma and Unit-02 cut out. There was no fuzz to give warning, just a simple blackout of the line.

"Asuka? Can you hear me? We lost visual. Answer if you can hear us." Misato said. The room waited for a response. There was none.

"Rei, contact Asuka, and tell her to switch to channel 2." Misato ordered..

"Yes ma'am." Rei answered. It was quiet for a moment. "Major, the channel is blocked. It is impossible to get through."

Misato thought a moment. "Hyuga, make a communications switch to channel 2. See if its just interference." Nothing happened for a second, then the channel came online, then flickered off. Unit-02 sat on the surface, standing in the center of the beam.

Shigeru spoke up. "This is surreal. It just seems like something's gonna hap-"

A long, bloodcurdling scream through the loudspeaker, followed by shorter inhuman squeals. "Major, psychograph readings going haywire!"

"Quick, retract the Eva! It's still on the platform, right?" Misato yelled.

"No good! All signals that cross the beam are getting flooded out."

Unit-02 began staggering, and the positron rifle fired several times, demolishing whole city blocks at a time. The last shot fired into the camera that was providing the live feed into Central Dogma, cutting off visuals from the surface temporarily.

"Cut off the power to the rifle from this end, we can't afford to have it keep shooting. Rei, fall back until we can come up with a plan, you're all we've got to use at the moment." Misato ordered. Things were bad and rapidly getting worse.

Another shriek came through the loud speaker, but this time Asuka was screaming. "Get out! Get out of my mind!" She screamed again, but that scream was cut short by the communications line going dead.

* * *

_A fiery look glowed in Shinji's eye. "Damn you Asuka! You're no better than me! You cry for your mother in your sleep! You can't stand it when people ignore you! You complain about how others act while you don't give a damn about how you do! You….ARGH!" He reached up and wrapped his hands around Asuka's neck. "Damn you to Hell! You deserve no better!"_

A twisted version of personal hell appeared before her. Visions of her past streamed through her mind. Hanging dolls. Her step-mother. Her father. Visiting her mother in the hospital. A railroad crossing bell shrieked as it approach and quickly passed in review.

"Stop it! I don't want to remember this!" Asuka said.

"Not your decision, I'm afraid." A grotesque version of someone familiar to her stepped out. He was tall, thin, and had long pitch black hair.

"Who are you?" Asuka asked, genuinely afraid.

"Ah, me, you ask? Its someone you know very closely. For all you know, I could be your past, present, and future, or perhaps just your past and present. I haven't really decided at this point."

Asuka walked a step up to the man, and grabbed him by the tie he was wearing and pulled his face down close to hers. She was recovering from the shock, and she was going to show who was boss. "I asked you what your name is."

"I'm sorry, but I'll leave that to you to figure out." He said from behind her. Asuka did a quick blink. All she held was the man's tie. The man walked up, and snatched it from her. "Such a rude little girl. I suppose that will never change."

"But…but how! You were just!" She pointed to the spot where the man had been standing before.

"Anything is possible in the world of the mind." The train car faded away into a hallway. Asuka felt goosebumps begin to creep up her arms and legs. She knew where she was.

"Momma, momma! They made me an elite pilot! I'm not supposed to tell anyone, but I'll only tell you momma!" The real Asuka shuddered. She knew what was coming next. She would open the door….

"Stop it! I don't want to see this! Stop it!"

"A tender memory, I see. I'll make sure you get the time enjoy it thoroughly."

Child Asuka's hand reached up slowly for the door. "Don't open it, don't open it, don't open it!" Asuka screamed. The little hand wrapped itself around the doorknob, and began to turn it. "NOOOO! NO! Stop it! Stop it!" The door slowly opened, revealing only the man standing there.

"Surprise!" The dark man said, enjoying the look of shock and horror on Asuka's face. He stood in an open room. It looked exactly like her mother's hospital room, except he was the only person in it.

"Who are you? Please, just go away…I'm sorry! Please just leave me alone!"

The man walked towards Asuka. He radiated an air of unbelievable coldness. He began to morph, his body becoming shorter, his long hair shrinking, and the sharp features of his face softening. "Asuka, I believe we've met before," said the unmistakable form of Shinji. Asuka took a step back out of pure fear. His hands extended, and his icy grip tightened around her throat.

"Shinji! Stop! Stop! I'm sorry for it all! I'll be nicer from now on! I promise!" Asuka begged. Instead, his hands tightened even harder around her neck.

Shinji cracked his neck. "I believe it's a little late for apologies, but I'll take it into consideration. Perhaps I'll let you live a little longer?" He faded from view.

* * *

"The psychograph is going way out of the safety zone! She's not going to last much longer!" Makoto said, spinning around to face Misato. 

"Unit-02 is shutting down! All the neural connections are staying connected, but most machine aided functions are deconnecting! There's a risk of major damage to both the Evangelion and the pilot!" Maya shouted.

Misato started to panic, grasping for some possible operation to help Asuka. "Send Rei up another rifle. See if she can snipe it out of orbit. NOW!" Furious keyboarding could be heard as the rifle was scrambled up to the surface.

"Dammit! Who did that?!? It was sent up the wrong shaft! Its been frozen by the beam in the storehouse right beside Asuka!" Maya said. "Send the order to retract, try and get it back down!" she continued, already typing furiously to get the command through.

"Forget it! Send up Shinji's rifle through port A7, its far enough away from the affected area that it shouldn't have any problems." Misato ordered.

"Ma'am, its configured for Shinji's Eva, not Rei's! She might not be able to fire it!" Maya protested. "Give me a minute, and we should ha-"

"We don't have a goddamn minute! We've got a pilot dying out there, and we're going to do something about it." Misato growled. "I'm not going to risk a second or a third life today, understood?"

Maya was terrified by the Major's alternate personality. Her voice trembled as she spoke back. "Y-yes m-m-ma'am." She turned around and started typing again.

* * *

Asuka was a little girl. She carried the stuffed bear her grandmother had given her tightly by her side. She walked up to the glass, the window into her mother's room. She could hear her talking inside. "And if you don't eat, Asuka, that little girl will laugh and laugh at you. You don't want that now, do you?" 

Of course, it was that stupid doll. That stupid doll that had replaced Asuka. She began to cry softly. "Don't you want me? Doesn't anyone want me?"

Her teddy bear's neck began to spin around. Its beady eyes made contact with hers. "Of course not, little girl. Dolls are much quieter than you. They'd rather have me instead…" The bear's head morphed into a mixture of Rei and the Raggedy Ann.

"They'd rather have me instead…"

"They'd rather have me instead…"

The voice continued echoing through her head.

"But I don't want to be a doll! I want to think and have emotions for myself!" Asuka said, screaming at the people who had their backs turned to her. "Doesn't anybody like me?"

A face appeared in the darkness. It multiplied until that was all that surrounded her. It was the face of Shinji Ikari. There were several different emotions, concern, sadness, happiness, but all rapidly turned into anger.

"There was one, once upon a time…."

"Once upon a time…"

"Once upon a time…"

"Once upon a time…"

It was Asuka, first learning to read. "O-once up-on a time…there was a princ-ess." Little Asuka sat in her mothers' lap, pointing to the words and laughing at the pictures. She looked up. Her father was reclining in his chair, with a grin as he smoked his pipe.

She looked up at her mother. "Am I a princess mommy?"

"Yes, darling, you're our little princess."

Teenage Asuka stood by the fireside, tears streaming down her face. "No I'm not! I'm not your princess! You went and replaced me with a rag doll and another woman! You never loved me! No one's ever loved me!"

Shinji's voice echoed over it all. "Are you sure no one's ever loved you, or is it that you've never _let _anybody love you."

"Shut up! Just shut up! You'd never know what love is! You never touch me! You never hold me! You're goddamn clueless about love!" Asuka screamed at him.

"Or is it _you_ that is clueless about love? Love isn't always blatant, you know." Shinji replied.

Asuka felt surrounded by flames. Her plugsuit felt like it would start melting any second, and she felt scalding liquid making contact with her face. It took every bit of self-control she had to keep from screaming in pain. What felt like forever past before the sensation was gone, replaced by a tingling feeling.

"But I suppose you wouldn't know that now, would you Asuka?" Shinji said.

* * *

"Rei! This rifle is outfitted for Unit-01, so be careful. Use a building if you need something to stabilize it. Fire two shots in rapid succession, we're going to try to blast our way through the AT Field, got it?" Misato ordered. 

"Understood." Rei said quietly. Although she wasn't the personality to worry, especially over someone like Asuka, she was becoming concerned over the silence of Unit-02. She picked up the rifle, then nearly dropped it. The Major had been right, it had been outfitted for Evangelion that was slightly bulkier than hers. She wrestled the gun onto a building, then waited for the targeting system to align on the target. The HUD flashed TARGET ACQUIRED, and Rei stabilized herself for the shot. She was going to need every last bit of her training to pull the shot off, placing two unstable beams of energy on the same point hundreds of kilometers away.

She fired once, but the gun's recoil heavily damaged the building, leaving Rei to drag the gun over to a sturdier building. She leveled the gun again. As soon as the display flashed the target acquired signal, she pulled the trigger twice as fast as she could, then rolled over and started running to prevent an easy counterattack from the Angel. Whatever was happening to Asuka, Rei sure as hell didn't want to have happen to her.

Meanwhile, the ground crew watched as the beam arced across the heavens. "Both hits confirmed, no damage to the Angel. Most of the energy was dissipated into space." Makoto read as the results were coming in.

Ritsuko finished climbing the ladder from the Magi up to the central control center. She looked up at the screen and saw the Angel. "How big is that thing?" She asked. "It must be 3-4 kilometers long! How did that thing get up there without being noticed?"

"We don't know, even though it originated just above our heads, we didn't get a visual until it reached that altitude. Both pilots couldn't confirm a visual even when it was within the GeoFront." Maya said.

"Where?" asked Ritsuko. "We've had an embryonic Angel within a kilometer of us?"

"Yes. It seemed to originate within the hospital building between the 10th and 12th armor layers. That may not be the embryo's starting place, though." Shigeru stated.

"Are you suggesting someone smuggled it into the hospital?" Ritsuko asked.

"It is a definite possibility." Maya finished.

"Major! The psychograph, it had begun to stabilize, but its starting to go haywire again! Asuka may not last much longer!" Makoto said.

Misato weighed her options, but couldn't come up with an idea. She turned to face the Commander. "What do you suggest we do, Commander?"

Gendo turned to Fuyutski, who bent down to listen. Both whispered to each other weighing their options, with Fuyutski starting to become visibly upset. Finally, Fuyutski stood back up, while Gendo turned to face the room, which was awaiting his word. "Rei?"

"Yes, Commander?" Rei answered quietly.

"Descend to Terminal Dogma and retrieve the Lance of Longinus." Gendo said firmly.

"Yes, Commander." Rei said in the same flat tone.

* * *

_Asuka's hands, struggling to pull Shinji's away from her throat, began to lessen their resistance. The last gasps for breath escaped her throat. She hung there as Shinji continued to press tightly on around her neck. Finally, convinced she was dead, Shinji laid her down as his breathing became more erratic. Tears formed in his eyes as his anger began to subside and the realization of what he had just done sunk in. _

_He kneeled down beside her, sobbing quietly. He wrapped his arms around her lifeless form. "I'm sorry Asuka. Asuka! I'm sorry!" He quieted, but continued to hold Asuka tightly against him. The anger which had taken hold over his soul was gone, replaced by a deep feeling of regret._

* * *

"Ma'am! The psychograph's gone dead!" Makoto said. 

"Rei! Get back up to the surface! Asuka's almost dead!" Misato screamed into the communications box. She was starting to cry. "Kill the Angel. Kill it…kill…" She said, collapsing into the floor as a total emotional wreck.

Ritsuko stepped forward and whispered into Shigeru's ear. "Get a medical crew with tranquilizers up here. Misato doesn't need to see any more of this." She looked back sympathetically at the sobbing woman.

"Unit-00 has reached the surface." Maya said.

Gendo had started to sweat slightly around the forehead. SEELE was not going to like the news that a pilot had died. "Rei, throw it now!" Rei took a running start, then hurled the Lance like a javelin. It shot through the air, ripping through the Angel like air, then continued off into space.

"The lance has destroyed the target and has entered lunar orbit." Maya said.

Gendo stood up. "Get a medical team out to Unit-02. Withdraw Unit-00 from the battlefield. Get crews on the damaged weapons, and retrieve the rifle that was sent up by mistake." He turned around and walked out of the room, followed closely by Fuyutski.

The stretcher pulled was pulled into the room by several attendants, one of which produced a long needle, which he stuck into Misato's arm. She was loaded up onto the stretcher and wheeled out of the room.

Ritsuko took command of the situation. "Get Pilot Soryu out and into the medical ward. There might be a trace of brain activity that the sensors can't pick up. Get Shinji back to the medical ward. I want that entire wing scanned for any blue patterns. I want to know why the Angel escaped detection at that close of a range."

_Dammit, _thought Ritsuko, _I hate Thursdays._

**End Experimentality Chapter 6  
**

* * *

_A/N: Wow, I guess when you have ideas, the story does come out a lot faster. I've got a couple other story ideas bouncing around in my head, so I'll probably write on those for a little while to clear my thoughts a little, but I have a definite idea of where I want this one to go at least for another chapter or two. After that, it goes past my original plan from when I first started writing this, so I don't know where it will go from there. I might finish the story off in another few chapters, or I might keep going. It depends on if I feel I can continue with the story past that point I guess. I'm also planning to go back and rework a few of the older chapters and see what I can do with them, I was reading them last week and they felt awfully short to me.  
_

_You may have noticed the chapters are getting longer. I have been working hard on trying to fit more story into one chapter, but if it starts getting tedious or boring, please tell me, I'll know I've reached a plateau where my chapter size tops out. As always, please R&R, I look forward to your comments. Hope to see all my regular readers back in the next chapter, and hopefully a few new ones. Til next time, happy reading, you all._


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